God knows your desperation... and your heart.

David was desperate when he fled from Saul. So desperate that he not only persuaded the priest to give him the holy shew bread, but he lied to the priest twice, saying that he was there because the King had sent him on some urgent business, so urgent that he had no time to pack food or weapons. He then retrieved Goliath's sword from the priest. When he got to Gath, he was afraid of the king there so he faked being crazy, scratching at the gates and drooling spit down his beard. Both of these deceptions in short order kept him free and alive in the short term, and eventually he became King, God's man on the throne.

Jesus endorsed and defended David's use of the shew bread when he was defending his own disciples for eating grain plucked on the Sabbath day.  Jesus points out that the Sabbath was made to serve man's good, not man to be a slave to the Sabbath.  Same with the shew bread, yes it was holy, but holy bread doesn't help the starving child of God if he looks at it, only if he eats it.  The lies David told the priest aren't mentioned by Jesus.   It seems God understands when his people are under threat and hard pressed to survive, that they may make mistakes and even sins that are forgiven later, but God looks at the heart and the intent and the greater good that comes from his people who serve him. Was David perfect in these matters? No. He lied or at very least deceived people. But these things were small in God's overall plan to make him King, and David was forgiven his sins because he was a man after Gods own heart. 

 You might do all the right things, legalistically, but your heart may be far from God and your self righteousness may make you into a Pharisee who heartlessly criticizes God's servants. Legalism keeps you from experiencing the grace of being forgiven. God knows we are weak and imperfect and cave under pressure, but if our heart is full of faith and love for him, he forgives, restores, purifies and exalts us.

How God saved us from becoming part of the parking lot.

Bingely Bobbin Mill Boiler Explosion.. 1869

I remember the first time we ran the heating system in our first old building in Regina in 1999. I had flipped the switch to turn on the natural gas for the massive old boiler (converted from coal to natural gas). Later I came into the Mission after being out for coffee with Michelle and noticed that it was extremely hot in the building.  I checked the thermostat and saw that it was reading  way over where it was set,  over 85 degrees Fahrenheit . Condensation was running down the walls.    Suspicious that something was very amiss, I ran down the stairs in to the dingy basement, picked my way through the piles of clutter and garbage that clogged the hallway from years of castoff junk in this notorious rooming house,  and made  my way to the boiler room.  It was getting hotter with every step i took.

 As i neared the boiler room door the heat was incredible  and there were loud creaking and groaning noises emanating from the roaring hot furnace. I said a quick prayer for protection as i entered the steaming hot room.  When i looked at the gauges I found that the temperature of the water was over two hundred and sixty degrees, well beyond the red zone indicated for safety.  The boiler pressure was also past the very top of the dial and the whole massive old boiler was groaning under the strain, ready to explode any moment.

 I rushed out to turn off the switch that controlled the natural gas.  The roaring  furnace fell silent but the creaking and groaning from the boiler seemed even louder than before, like a submarine that has gone too deep and was about to burst . (anybody seen the classic sub movie Das Boot?) I turned a tap to let out some of the water pressure and scalding hot water and steam shot out, the release of pressure caused the pipes to rattle and bang with horrific volume. I went upstairs and warned the mission guys that they might want to step outside till the danger was past. It took  a good three hours for the pressure and the temperature to come back to normal operating levels.  Needless to say I called the boiler man to come and work on it as quick as possible.

I've heard reports (see above picture) that boilers like these can and do explode and take out whole buildings, if their safety and backup safety systems malfunction. It turned out NONE of the safety systems on this boiler were in working order so it just kept heating hotter and hotter and 7 times hotter! I guess this wasn't too surprising from a slum type building where one of the main exits had a working "EXIT" lamp by a door that was nailed shut from the outside!! Thank you Lord for protecting us. By the way, that building is gone. I guess the song is true, they paved paradise and put up a parking lot. :)

God was in it! Prayer Journal from Regina Rescue Mission Days.

Dec 16/99

Dear Lord God,

I thank you for answering prayer in a great way yesterday.  We asked that we would be able to use the large building on Scarth St. for our mission, and the owner of it agreed to just that.  Our only payment is to be the rent we collect from the men.  You led us to this building through LLoyd Rogers, Mike Breckneridge, and final Robert G.... the owner.  Now we have a dining hall, lounge, suite, rooms, kitchen and all the space we need to start a mission.  We Praise You our God!

Father, I want to sanctify you in my heart as God, and pray that your presence will sanctify me, as it did the temple when your glory descended into it.    I thank you that I am sanctified by the blood of Jesus Christ, who cleansed me from all my sin and iniquity. I now determine to sanctify myself unto You and your service, a clean vessel dedicated to your will.  And yet it must be you that does the sanctifying, as my will is not sufficient against temptation, yet your holy presence is.  I must call on you and remember you at all times in order that I may remain sanctified.  And when I fail, immediately i must sanctify myself by the blood of Christ unto the Lord again.

Now, Lord God, we specially need your help in establishing the mission in that building.  Help us to earn the respect and friendship of the men who live there.  help us to take control of the building and begin ministering in the power of the Holy Spirit.  The official management date is Jan 1/2000 but we will go to familiarize ourselves and befriend the men in small ways.  I pray for a smooth transition, making a den of iniquity into a house of salvation.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

My homeless brother.

Excerpt from a journal entry on Dec. 30, 2010.


 In Hawaii I was able to minister to a poor homeless soul named Howard, who just stood in one spot all day and all night in filthy rags.  Thousands of wealthy, healthy, happy tourists walked past him, turning up their noses at the foul smell coming from his tattered, soiled clothing.   I gave him a bottle of water in the morning and he was in the exact same spot, holding his bottle of water that evening.  I talked him across the street where I tried to give him new clothes and a towel that I bought him but he refused to get clean or accept the clothing. He stood there a whole other day and night.  I realized he didn't want to eat or drink anything because he had nowhere to go to the bathroom.  He was on my heart all night so the next day, when I saw he was still standing there,   I went to the police to try and get him help.  At first they told me there was absolutely nothing they could do if he wasn't harming anyone.  I told them that he obviously couldn't care for himself and that he was going to die of dehydration while nobody did anything.  By that evening he had been removed from the streets.  I pray that he will have an advocate and find a place to live.


I had a lot of compassion for him, partly because his name is Howard and that's my brother's name.  What would I do if my brother was on the street, not eating, not moving, standing there filthy and confused?  Talking with him revealed he was not crazy just unwell, and he had a good sense of humour like saying "a guy gave me a dollar for impersonating a statue".  anyways, the experience reminded me of the importance of helping those in need and encouraged me that setting up a mission is a very important and worthwhile task.  If I can help my homeless brother find a bed to sleep in, water to drink, clothes to wear and then some hope and love from the heart of God, it will be worth it all.

Homeless Dreams

After resigning from Souls Harbour Rescue Mission in Regina, but before moving to Halifax to start a new Mission, I had a dream.

I was at a family reunion, visiting with relatives, when for some reason I got offended at my family.  I walked out, determined not to give them the satisfaction of forgiving them.  So I wandered for years in bitterness and loneliness, eventually ending up destitute and sick.  I wandered, scrounging for food but turning into a walking, filthy skeleton.  One day I found myself collapsing in someones back lane from cold and hunger.  There was a piece of discarded food, half rotten in my hand but a bird came and snatched it away.  I cursed the bird and lay down to die.  But I awoke, freezing and tormented by hunger pains.  I got myself on my wobbly feet.  Just then, in the dawning light, I saw a man getting in his car to go to work. 

In desperation I tried to run and call out to him.  Suddenly the car stopped, he backed up and got out.  "Do you need something to eat?" he said.  I nodded, I'd never been so hungry in my life.  He left me sitting on the porch steps while he went inside.  After a few minutes he brought out a sandwich, a pair of clean, warm socks, and a candle.   As I ate he lit the candle and the warmth of it's light and his love hit me and i started to weep.  For some reason he said "I love the sound of a pastors voice in a church, don't you?"  Then and there, in this alternate universe of dreams where I had become a homeless, bitter man, I knew God had reached out to me through this man, fed me, softened my heart and turned me back towards my faith and my family. 

That's it.  Interpretation is a gift, but not really needed for this one.

Dreaming of our Rowan's Ravine Summer Holiday

Kenny Kenny Kenny

     This is our lake and when it is warm we are going there for a very long time.
It will not rain.  We will not be buying a building or merging.  It will be perfect.

     Today is Souls Harbour Rescue Mission Day.  It's a WOW day!
When you told the residents all the good and amazing things,
I nearly cried tears of joy.  I cannot believe how far the Lord
has brought us in less than 8 years.  I'm glad we did it together -
 missionary husband and wife.

     And I'm glad God is giving us new partners - Paula, Donovan, Aaron.
Quality mission minded Godly people to take us to the next era.

                                            I love you.

                                                M.

For God has not given us a Spirit of timidity -
     but of love, power, and a sound mind.

Life Is Hard

I do not fear death, I fear this life.
     Death has no sting and no terror
     For Jesus rose again.
          But this life is hard.
               Pain every second of my day
                    Weakness, exhaustion, insomnia, headache
                    Worry, temptation, failure, fear
                    Loneliness and depression
          God so far away and silent.
               He is near not far.
               He is quiet not silent.
          Be still my soul and hope in God.
               If I suffer more and more til the day I die
               Then death will be freedom
                    And Heaven will be Heaven.

Poetic Justice or a Mere Fable?

Happiness is a minute without pain.
It's an hour without sadness and
a day without loneliness.

     It's not so much an abundance of good things as
          it is an absence of bad.

People are swimming in good things but not happy.

But give a man who knows nothing but hardship one good thing, any good thing, and he is truly happy  - and thankful.

Lazarus had no good thing in his life - a beggar, an outcast, a sick and hungry man whose only comfort was the licking of his pores by stray dogs.  When he died he went to Paradise.  Paradise!  What would it mean to be sick and full and free from pain and no longer alone?

The rich man wouldn't have appreciated Heaven even if he had gotten there.  It would be little better than his palace on earth.  And for his lack of compassion on pathetic Lazarus at his gates, he would suffer torments in hades forever.

Poetic justice?  Yes.  A mere fable?  The rich and hard hearted of the world better hope so.  If the rich man had fed and clothed and shared his home with Lazarus he would have made a friend and reserved a place in Paradise, too.

But judgement day will turn the tables on many in this world.  The first shall be last and the last shall be first.  The first can be first too but they must sell what they have and give to the poor - then they'll have treasure in Heaven.

It is not what you earn, but what you give that really counts.

But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.  -Psalm 1:2

The key to a fruitful spiritual life is to delight in constant meditation on God's Word.  Bible study can become a chore without delight.  But meditating - taking the time to quietly reflect on the personal message received from God - is a constant delight.  Verse 3  says the person who meditates will bring forth his fruit, his leaves will not wither...  How many of us believers are fruitless trees with withered leaves.  It's time to delight in God's Word to restore spiritual health.

Dear LORD,

Good morning!  I have a feeling of satisfaction in just being awake enough and committed enough to be here with You. 

As I look over my personal life goals, I find that many of them are in progress to a lesser or greater extent.  My dream list says I dream of being: "A spiritually powerful man, exercising the gifts of the spirit in all power and effectiveness, making significant advancements for God's Kingdom.  Thank you, LORD for leading me to the book, "Ablaze for God," which is showing me just how to fulfill that dream.

I have no pleasure in the pleasures of this world.  Truly they seem empty, a chasing after the wind.  And my enlightened conscience cannot enjoy any sin, but grieves that I have grieved you.  More and more my delight in in You, in prayer, in the Word, in service.  But I know how quickly I fall and how very spiritually weak I still am.  That is why these morning exercises are so vital.

Well, it's off to Sunday School for Michelle and I.  Little by little, you're changing us!

I love You, in Jesus' name,

Amen.

Tragedy

This morning a drunk came to my door and asked for help. He was a sorry sight, dirty, sick, long hair and worn out clothes. I quickly went to get him some food. He was very unappreciative, so I determined that he owed me a little information about himself. In slurred, slow speech he told me his name didn't matter to anyone. I told him that he needed more than physical food, that he needed the Bread of Life to fill his empty soul. He was very offended at this, hurtling curses loudly my way, then He exclaimed,

I serve Jesus; He's my King!

This contradiction interested me, so I asked him if he knew the way to Heaven.  He looked me in the eye and said angrily, "Look, you are destined to serve Trinity.  Me... I serve Tragedy!"  He went on to explain how tragedy sticks to people like himself.  I said that Jesus died to take away tragedy and give us real life.  He clenched his fist and repeated angrily, "Tragedy!  Tragedy!"

I said, God loves you and sent his son Jesus to die for you, but you have to repent of your sins and accept Him as Saviour.

He stood up, wobbling, and cursed vehemently as he walked away.  The next time Tragedy comes to my door, I'll simply hand him so food and say, "Jesus loves you."  Tragedy may remember those three words and be saved, but likely I will never meet him in Heaven, because of his name.  Who named him that anyway?

On becoming the Senior Chaplain

Dear Lord,

I thank you Father for answering all of my prayers.  You have proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that You can do exceedingly above all that we ask or think.  I live on a dry, parched planet, but Heaven has oceans of abundance.

When I pray, I cut a little hole in the bottom of Heaven, and the blessing comes through.  So long as I pray, the hole remains and enlarges.  When I stop, Heavens moisture ceases to fall.  The showers of blessing we need are a  prayer away.

How often I forget that this is Your Word and we are Your instruments.  It is not our work and You the instrument.  If we are yielded You will use us skillfully at whatever task You want.

I thank You for the calling to be the Chaplain of UGM.  It is the inner-city missionary post I have dreamed of.  I live in the middle of it, have housing and food supplied, am in charge of evangelism into the community.  I trusted in You and You gave me the desires of my heart.  I'm glad I didn't quit.  I pray that I'll pray and pray and pray to see You work marvelously here at the Mission.

You have given me a guide book - I & II Timothy to measure and adjust my performance.  Help me to read and study this portion continuously.

I pray You will help others to support our appointment.  Nevertheless, it is not what they think but what you know that counts. 

Living in these last days, I pray You will use me as a soul-winner and preacher and intercessor.

Give me, I pray, zeal for You and Your cause.

In Jesus' Holy Name I pray,

Amen.

Take me to the city

There's so much light here.  

The darkness is so thick there.

There's so much ease here.

There's so much suffering there. 

There's so much food here. 

There's so much hunger there.

There's so much love here.  

There's so much hate there.

There's so much peace here.

 There's so much turmoil there.

There's so many smiles here. 

There's so many tears there.

There's so much life here.     

There's so much death there.

Who will go?  I must go. 

Before I slip into careless Christianity once more.

I long to bear my cross for you, Lord Jesus.

Here am I.  Send me.

Ken

(written on a pork producers record sheet in 1991 in Funk's barn when I was trying to finish Bible College but had to work for a year to support Michelle and I.  Was really longing to do ministry!  Be careful what you wish and pray for...)